It’s been a while since I have blogged – 11 months to be exact. I’m not fully sure why I stopped blogging except that I know I let life get in the way as is so easy to do. Sometimes it takes a big life moment for us to get back to doing something we haven’t paid attention to….I can’t say I will be blogging daily or even weekly but I do hope it will be more of a priority for me than it has been.
This blog was prompted by a recent life event that created great emotional pain for me. On Sunday, I had to say goodbye to my cat, TJ….now, if you aren’t a cat or animal lover, don’t judge me (as the scene from “Nacho Libre” runs through my mind). We rescued our cat a little over a year ago from a neighborhood fence. He was 8 weeks old and very timid and scared. I was sitting in the living room and heard him crying outside. Michael went and rescued him and brought him into our home. The minute he set foot in our house, it was like he belonged there. He started purring and snuggled up under my chin and that was it….he was ours. It has been an amazing year of watching him grow and seeing his personality develop. He truly was my cat and would wait by the door for me to come home if I had left the house. His warm greetings and deep purring warmed my heart. He just fit in and felt like one of us.
For several reasons that I won’t go into, Michael and I made the decision recently to find a good home for him. When Michael first brought it up, I was horrified!! NO WAY was TJ going to live somewhere else! He belonged with us and that was that. Michael was gentle about it and didn’t push the issue but as time went on, I knew it was best to listen with my head and not my heart. Last week was the moment of realization that it was time for TJ to live somewhere else and God was so gracious in finding the perfect home for him. We have an open adoption where we get pictures and texts on a daily basis and can visit him any time we want. He is adjusting quite well and appears to truly love his new adoptive parents. Although this feels good, it also feels sad….I would like to think he can only be happy with us
I say all of that to make this point….letting go of him was like losing a part of myself. I must have cried for 4 hours straight and am even crying as I write this blog. When we love someone, we give away a part of ourselves to that person. We don’t even realize how much or how deeply we love until we face the threat of losing that person. The emotional pain involved in saying goodbye is excruciating. At times, it feels like we will physically fall apart as we grieve the loss.
Yesterday as I was missing TJ and wondering how he was doing and I had a deep thought – I get those once in a while! What would it be like if I had to say goodbye to my husband? What if he died and I didn’t have him in my life anymore. Let me tell you, having thoughts like that really brings home how much people mean to you. Every day we can get caught in the small petty things that create conflict in our relationships but when we think about that person not being in our life anymore, it brings things into perspective. We need to value and cherish the “gifts” people are in our lives because one day they will not be there and we will have to grieve the loss of them.
What can you do today to show those in your life that you love and cherish them? What can you do to stop looking at all that is wrong and rejoice in what is right? Take some time today to thank those people for their contribution to your world. They matter. Don’t wait until they are gone to wish you had done something different. Today is the day to change that! I love you, TJ…..