Do you ever find yourself in an argument with your spouse and you think, “This is so stupid. Why are we even arguing about this?” Even though we might think this way, it doesn’t always result in us ending the argument and starting over. In fact, there have even been times when we have argued about the fact that we shouldn’t be arguing. Reading this right now makes me laugh and realize how ridiculous some arguments are. However, when you are in the midst of an argument and emotions are launched, it seems so logical to argue about nothing!

Sometimes Michael and I get into arguments about the differences in our perceptions regarding something. It's like we are trying to convince each other that "I" am right and "you" are wrong. The longer this kind of argument goes on, the more likely we will feel extremely disconnected and the more likely we will say things we shouldn’t say. Why is it so hard to let our spouse have his/her opinion about something without feeling like we have to debate the issue? It's like arguing about whether the color blue is prettier than the color green. The answer is in the eye of the beholder.

Can you think of a time when you had an opinion about something and felt it was the truth only to find out later that is was just your perception? Isn't it funny how we can be so convinced that our perception of something is actually the truth? Some of this has to do with our personalities. If you have a direct and driven personality, you are more likely to keep an argument going. If you have a laid back and passive personality, you are more likely to let it go (well, at least verbally).

Now, in my marriage, I am the one who is more direct and driven and Michael is more laid back and passive. That means that a lot of our arguments about differences in perception have been driven by me. Because of my personality and the way I see things, it has taken a lot of time, effort and self-discipline to tell myself that different perspectives are all right. I don’t have to “fight” until I win because in marriage you either win together or you lose together. When I am able to let Michael have his perception and opinion without trying to convince him I am right, things go MUCH better in our marriage. I can actually agree to disagree and let that be okay.

How about you? Do you find yourself fighting about things that make no sense or trying to convince your spouse that you are right when you disagree?  Why don’t you try to “win together” by letting your partner have a perception that is different from yours? Believe me; it will make things flow better between the two of you!

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